what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
