Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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