She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
