You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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