It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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