IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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