So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
