She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
