I need help removing her.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
