maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
