It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
