if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
