It's Friday. Sex?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
