i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
