franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize