I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
