I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
