I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize