My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
