I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
