so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
