so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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