I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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