I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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