My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sext me about skeletons
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
