you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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