my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
