Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
