sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
