And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
