The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
