how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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