Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
