This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
