What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Found the puke drawer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
