Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will be naked everywhere
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize