I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
