I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just cut my nipple shaving
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
