she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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