Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
