the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
