There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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