I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
