Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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