I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
