There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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