my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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