In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
