get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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