Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
