It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
