yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
