Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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