I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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