explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
