i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
