are you so shy because you have an std?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
