I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
