oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
