Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
