I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
