Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
