I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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