cat food counts as protein by the way
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
