i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
