I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
