so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the condom got lost in my hair
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
