just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
