those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
