I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
